Under This Red

I hide behind the veil of sorrow
Wishing to be whole again tomorrow
Our destinies no longer intertwined
Since you now have left me behind

My assumptions about your intentions
Turned out to be huge indiscretions
You called me brother for so long
Until our relation became so wrong

It took to long for us to break
Haunted by the ghost of my mistake
My sight turned into a dull amber
When you pushed me away with anger

It has been weeks since that time
Now concluded by this pitiful rhyme
Such is no worse end to this tale
Contemplated from behind the veil

In the dark, I contemplate about reality
Quantum implications about existentialism
Cannot help but be frustrated at the irony
Feelings of betrayal and disgust in dualism

But I contemplate on these things by myself
The saddest part of waiting is being alone

I have been broken down in this ride
Being tempted by the mere exterior
Ending up being on the darker side
So I swore to live like a warrior
This sweat I shed for the endless training
These tears I cry for the days of defeat
This blood I bleed for pain and suffering
This battlecry I shout to not retreat
Facing these dangers with both my fists up
Drains the energy from the inner core
While fighting, my body threatens to drop
But the heart and spirit still begs for more
In defiance, I face my destruction
In pursuit of my own vindication

Try to defy all these things that deter you
It's either you cry hard or see this through
You might end up in shades of black and blue
But you can do it even if you don't had a clue

Stuck in a margin
Trading blows too fast
What's with you lately
You know things can't last
Where have you just been
While I waited here
And nothing is free
But at least it's clear

You're stuck in the margin of misery and pain
I try to help out even if my concern is in vain
You may see me now in both disgust and disdain
But I still love you even if I have nothing to gain

I shall speak out my emotions
And no one can ever stop me
Those who hate just take up loans
To grind treasures into debris

Even if I try as I might
I seem to start from scratch again
Whenever she is out of sight
I recall how hard life has been

I have to beg and plead to her
Just to fill up my hollow heart
But her memory drifts farther
And all I have left is my art

Within this world of irony
All I ever had was her smile
A young maiden of ivory
Who eased the hardships of my trial

I have been judged and forsaken
Such things can never be reset
All the options I have taken
Gave me nothing less than regret

Throw it all into the ravine
Dust and debris that was my love
Everyone just got in between
All they did was to push and shove

This may be angst and depression
But this is how my spirit flows
I'll vent until this pain is gone
Drifting into where no one goes

Where is trust when you are hiding
The reasons why you are hiding me
From the rest of the world in reckoning,
Not letting me know what you can see?

I am a ghost in most other memories.
Your fear kept us from soaring high.
Was it because of the opportunities,
Spoiled by my presence as you imply?

You talk of our safety and security,
While I sense your thoughts as traitors.
The reason why we let this secrecy be;
Is it because you want to have suitors?

Now that I am declared as contraband,
Easy for you to say that you love me;
You frolic while I only have my hand.
Be honest to me now about this secrecy.

Go ahead and jab the fault at me.
I have no excuse to show for it.
I am to blame for this tragedy.
Please punish me as you see fit.

Within the ashes of guilt and regret,
I have learned from this pain within.
Revelations revealed as I reflect
On how much of a fool I have been.

Stupidity is all I have shown
For I've hurt you too many times.
Now you can stand on your own;
Now I must pay for my crimes.

Pardon my leave but it must be.
You're on your own from now on.
For once again, you shall be free.
After this gunshot, I will be gone.

We have now both come to this
The end of all the joy and bliss
All we had is now torn apart
What remains is a broken heart

Because I'm blind, you're now astray
Wish there had been another way
But you left me cold and weary
I'm now shaking in misery

Despite the solutions we've tried
All hope for both of us has died
I'm too pathetic in your eyes
The love we shared did have a price

Stay away from me, parasite
Just get away from my sight
I'm just a loser in the end
Go try to find a better friend

While your love shines for me,
How closer can I ever be
To becoming a shadow of the past
For this can never truly last.

Kneel and pray that it isn't so,
But someday, I will have to go.
My patience has corroded away
For it may kill us both someday.

How can I ever forget that time
When all was lost in your crime?
Three's a crowd as it seemed so.
How could you dare to sink so low?

Your lies burn like spit and lye
As you now break down and cry.
I'm now closer to borderline.
My broken heart is alkaline...

What more is there for me to say,
But "whatever" and "come what may"?
As you misunderstand some things,
These are what destiny truly brings.

I may talk like how I wish so,
But there is a lot you don't know.
So for you to misinterpret is trash,
Be careful now or you may crash.

But what is there for everyone
Once everything has come undone?
I may not understand your pain,
But we are both under this rain.

I still haven't paid off my debts,
And you have started to give threats.
Once that all this hatred is gone,
Let's keep cool and leave it alone.

Blood courses through the veins of the living
While out of the throat for all who is cursed
For those who think that breathing is believing
They crash through the bloodstained glass instead

In this church built by the saints of anonymity
You stand alone in front of the altar in defiance
Plagued by the disease of sadness and insecurity
Has been ever since our lives went out of balance

Visualizing a moment of sunshine as we both pass
Through the aisle back out together in excitement
But instead here I am as the subject of a mass
Lying in a casket of roses with lack of movement

The next time we meet will be in the afterlife
Since you have been guilty when I came about
I have just ended all this suffering with my knife
Drowning in my own blood and in a sea of doubt

How can this be killing me?
I always end up screaming.
Why the fuck must this be?
Why is she always lying?
Right now, I feel like dying.
I've been waiting for ages
To be back in your graces,
But you push away with silence.

Step away from me once and for all.
I am breaking apart inside this time.
Stay away and let me take the fall.
Anger and frustration wrote this rhyme.

Say my name and keep it in mind.
You shall remember me someday
As the person you left behind.
Soon after you chose to betray,
Not thinking at all in that day,
Regret it this time like I did.
Searching for you while you hid,
I loved you when you never had.

Why must I be flawed in nature?
Doesn't really make me safer.
I just want to keep out of the way,
And walk in the church to pray.

Let me stay away...

Why do dreams keep on haunting?
Even in sleep, I'm still crying.
Feels as if it shall drive me mad,
Regretting what we once had.

Let me be this sad...

For the reasons why I adore you,
I pray that dreams will come true.
But what if it crumbles to dust,
Finding out that it's all just lust?

Let me turn to rust...

So the angels are right once again.
Arrogance in their eyes as they pretend
To care and protect us from demons,
While twisting and turning our reasons.

Fuck all these reasons...

Reasons to love,
Reasons to hate,
And reasons to stay alive...
Whatever is out there fucking with my logic,
All I can say is that you make me sick.

---

When up is down and right is wrong,
I have been waiting for so long.
Something is keeping you from me.
I guess that you shall never be free.

Lost at sea without a promise
Missing you a minute at a time
As the sea serpent waves hiss
Under the full moon so sublime

When the sunset turns the sky amber
I shall wait throughout the night
As I watch the stars torn asunder
Wishing for you to cure my plight

Let me hear your voice once more
If you can ever heed this prayer
Once we both get back to shore
Away from the straights so dire

When I slumber from exhaustion
I float across an ocean of white
The romance that had come and gone
As my spirit struggled to fight

Whirlwind storms tear through within
My heart that's always been yours
I realize that this fight I can't win
Only you may close all its doors

I cry out to you once more tonight
Should we not see each other again
At least we still have the moonlight
To remind us of what could have been

My years of dreaming still goes on
As I wait for that day to come
When I see you beyond the horizon
Running towards me in freedom

When the sky finally turns blue
And everything is calm and quiet
There you are with a smile so true
Finally no longer out of my sight

I pay for my sins again
Like how I've always been.
Staying alive is not easy
When I am feeling guilty.

Faith comes as a surprise,
Thinking that there'd be no lies.
Since it is so hard to trust,
My heart has started to rust.

Have I really betrayed you?
Is my every word all untrue?
Was my love nothing but a lie?
Now my heart begins to cry.

Soon, you shall tell me straight
If you still love me or hate.
Even if I never did turn back,
Our romance soon turned to black.

No one wants romantic pains;
Sudden shame that tempted us
To cut the bond of these chains,
And let our love fall to dust.

Remember the day when we became one.
Isn't my promise enough to keep you?
You just let it all come undone,
Saying that we are both through.

Too many times in our lives,
You call for our separation.
As I gaze upon my knives,
Here starts our frustration.

Here I am, the King of Hearts,
I am the unlucky number thirteen.
My heart still needs spare parts.
Even though she is my only Queen.

The Queen of Hearts always has two lovers;
I, the King, and a Jack sharing an Ace.
Around ten hearts have been broken,
Their spirits have now been overtaken.

To have the other one to replace.
How many more must take the fall?
To leave them all without a trace,
Has she no mercy on them at all?

Pardon me while I go tell her
That I still forgive her anyway.
I'll never let our romance blur,
Even if she gives it all away.

Even though I always take a fall,
I smile even though I'm crushed.
At least I love her with my all,
Completing our own royal flush.

This is the time in our history
When I don't understand anymore.
Whatever is in your own reverie;
All that your emotions implore.

Gives me a reason to just forget
All the memories we both share.
Fills my heart with such regret;
Don't make me not want to care.

So why so sad now in the present
Even though I would lend you a hand?
This is the complication I so resent,
Not being able to truly understand.

Please say what's bothering you;
The thing that makes you feel low.
Don't I deserve to even get a clue?
As if it is us that makes you so...

Raining shattered glass and daggers;
Diamond shine across the skies;
Moving through the clouds in blurs,
Flowing along with all of our lies.

We have to hide under these shelters
To keep others from seeing us both.
Avoiding all of the unbelievers,
And all of the things that we loathe.

Are you happy that we came to be,
Even if no one else can know at all?
Beyond this, we can never be free.
All we can ever do to them is stall.

Looks as if we shouldn't be right now,
But we still try to keep believing.
Getting by even if we don't know how,
Nothing shall keep us both from loving.

As I play fire with you, put out my flames with gasoline while you join me in hell.
Lick the ash off my face and I'll kindly thank you as we both bid farewell
To the last days of the better part of our lives in this wicked existence.
We'll have to run around like fools just to survive even though it makes no sense.

Do we keep each other safe even though it hurts to be together in this state?
Is this vicious love-hate state of mind really to become our eternal fate?
We've hinted about giving up way too much already to just keep going through.
After all, the most sinful thing I can ever commit to is forever loving you.

Have we come to a full stop after speeding through this lane for so long?
Does everything in this pain-filled romance start to seem so fucking wrong?
A hedgehog syndrome that hopefully never really ends with a sour note.
You hung up the phone on me just before making up these things I wrote.

Stop doubting our future and keep burning away the hell that used to be.
We'll run past the people whose perceptions seem to keep us from being free.
They're still with us, although not thinking for us, but still beloved anyway.
We'll just forgive them regardless after they've run out of bad things to say.